literature

Faces

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ikazon's avatar
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Literature Text

Behind my face are spawned
a thousand other, different faces, all
of different shapes and ages,
some years beyond my own. One's old, concerned,
elevator eyebrows raised a floor
and a half, jammed between age lines
and the second face, excited, cyclone
eyes alight and flying in the middle
of its life. Another is asleep, placid,
rivergrass hair hung damp just above
a bulbous nose, and behind her, a man,
shocked, lips taut, eyes bullet holed.
Behind him, twins, one old, one
older, claws for eyes and talon-nosed,
bickering and cold. Then a blacksmith, dark
from clanging hammers, face sharp, jagged, caked
with sweat and rock debris. Just beyond
him is a quiet boy, eyes fireblind. His head,
once plastered wildly with avocado leaves, now
bark gray and spot-shined, mouth small, closed,
no nose. He hasn't seen for generations, voice
comes out his head's side, out small holes where
ears once were. The others hear from theirs,
his one voice echoing. Only the shocked man
sees the fire stolen from the blind,
the fire lurking just behind the monkey's eyes.
So in case you haven't figured it out yet, I pretty much always write about the same things, it just comes out looking and sounding a bit different each time. :paranoid:

This is for #transliterations prompt 6, though seeing as I wrote it before the prompt had technically started, I kind of missed the boat in terms of writing about how the sculpture felt, rather than just writing about the sculpture itself. I also jinxed myself mid-poem by saying something to the effect of "I don't really ever edit my poems right after I finish them" to =zebrazebrazebra, which then led to the disaster that was the first draft of this poem. I think it's better now, maybe, but I also subjected poor Sarah to like six hours' worth of "hey does this look/sound better than it did last time?" Ugh the first draft of this poem. Ugh, I say.

It's based on this sculpture, which is frankly wicked cool, and is also the reason I couldn't wait for the prompt to start before I began writing:
© 2011 - 2024 ikazon
Comments16
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findmeastorm's avatar
I really like your word choices through this; each face is nicely disconnected from the others by the words you chose to describe them. I really like the last line, and how I can refer to the sculpture along each line. I think you've successfully breathed life into the sculpture, as it were.

I had some difficulty reading it simply because of the sheer number of commas -- my mind kept pausing as I read at each comma, so I had some trouble separating each description. I was kind of overloaded by commas. I read it aloud and it felt smoother, though. I'm sure it's just a style choice I'm not used to. :)