literature

Yellow Beasts

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ikazon's avatar
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Literature Text

Fighting was not Edgar's strongest point. He could hold his own against any opponent he needed to, but he wasn't looking for conquest, and anything that wasn't territorial wasn't worth investing in. In his mind this was enough. He would occasionally spar with the big man, but Edgar knew he didn't need to defend the mountain from the big man. More importantly, he knew he'd lose against the big man. At most he would kill wild animals to keep them from using the mountain as a nesting or breeding ground, or else to eat.

But when the big yellow beasts started showing up on the side of the mountain, Edgar began to worry. They never came high enough up the mountain that he had to interact with them, but he didn't like how close they were, or the noise they made. And it became increasingly apparent to Edgar that they made noise all the time, and that the noise changed regularly. Many nights he could see unnatural light coming from them, though some nights there was no light, and no noise. Those nights, he watched them for hours, quiet and inactive. He found their sleep just as strange as their waking hours.

On one of the nights where there was no light or noise, Edgar went down to look at them, to see what they did, to see how they worked. After nearly an hour of prodding, smelling, clawing and striking, Edgar relented and left them alone. His hands were sore and bloody from hitting them. His bone club had been a welcome weapon, when his hands couldn't take any more. Even so, he had accomplished nothing. The beasts remained the same as they had been before he started. He couldn't make sense of it.

The following day, the beasts made more noise than usual. Edgar's hands were still bloody and sore from the night, and so he remained on the mountain, avoiding them. The day after, even more noise. He climbed to the top of the mountain, put his hands in the snow, and vowed that the next day he would go down and fight them. The following morning, Edgar steeled himself and went down the mountain to see what they were doing. The hole in the mountain left him stunned.

He climbed the mountain, went down the other side, and found another set of yellow beasts, and another hole in the mountain. For a long while, this made no sense to Edgar. He came to realize long after the fact that it was the same hole he'd seen from the other side. 

Edgar went looking for the big man, in the hope that he could get rid of the yellow beasts. The big man was the only one who could beat him, and that was enough for Edgar. He circled the mountain over the course of several days, checking all of the places he regularly encountered the big man and the children. All he found was snow and piles of leaves that had fallen from trees.

Relenting, Edgar returned to the top of the mountain alone, only to find the following morning that there were more yellow beasts gathered around the hole in the mountain, and other colored beasts as well. He watched them warily for a long while, unsure of what to do until one of the beasts opened up from its side. Edgar had no idea how it managed to do it, or what it had even done, until he spotted the men that came out of the beast. The absence of the big man and the children suddenly made sense.

It was then Edgar realized that he had lost the mountain, and it was time to leave.
Okay, now we're getting somewhere outside of character sketching, I think. This felt good to write, though admittedly it's not as stylistic as I'd like my writing to be. Or at least, it's not as stylistic as it was. But that's something I can work on when I have a better sense of what kind of story I'm telling, I suppose.
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VaughnJustice's avatar
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Overall
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Vision
:star::star::star::star::star-half: Originality
:star::star::star::star::star: Technique
:star::star::star::star::star-empty: Impact

I am just really impressed with your poem, and I write this because I just love this poem and the saying "he watched them for hours" Gave me the sunset of a lifetime. But how? Well, the saying "he watched them for hours" Gave me tears through my eyes and say... "Wow, I will say that this saying will be famous saying..." So, the beautiful sunset came upon the eyes... And I said with my tears "HOW! HOW! I am really impressed with this poem! I AM!" he watched them for hours... Is my favorite saying for all of the world!