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Submitted on
January 20, 2011


2,987 (3 today)
508 (who?)

Let's be honest, folks.

Things are not going my way, so there is something very wrong with dA right now. To help solve this, I've devised a small list of things that could be done to make my time here more enjoyable. Your list may vary from mine, but I figure that I'll go over the things that I feel need to be the center of dA's attention until I am personally satisfied.


First and foremost, every time I log into dA, a cake should be hand-delivered to my door, perhaps one like one of these.
Grooms Cake by Digitalflattery Whimsical Wedding Cake by pinkcakebox Mamegoma Cake by Kralle-K Topsy Turvey Birthday Cake by pinkcakebox

The more colorful and whimsical the cake, the better.

Next, every time I submit a deviation, I should get a complimentary fireworks show that can be seen perfectly from my window, so that all I need to do is look away from my screen in order to see the fireworks.
Fireworks by chalee-80 :thumb64728819: Raining Fireworks by couleur Fireworks IV by davidsant

And it should be an elaborate fireworks display, I don't want any slacking on the organization.

When I leave comments on a work, coins should start appearing on my desk. Depending on the quality and thoughtfulness of the comment, I should get more or less coins, ranging anywhere from a penny to enough money to pay for my school fees.
Antique Coins by the-sashimi-frog Coins by kilroyart Coins by lubroz Coins by djreko

Any sort of coin will do, so long as I can exchange it for usable currency later. And while this may be pushing my luck, I do think that paper money would be appropriate every time I leave a good critique.
:thumb28774570: The Money Stamp by Busiris

Sometimes people on this site sincerely anger me, and I would like nothing more than to be able to hit them. So I kindly request that dA installs a program that allows me to press a button that will trigger a mechanism that will punch the offending commenter across the face.
Punch The Netspeaker by Abfc Sagat by Matelandia

...okay, maybe that one was a bit drastic. Nonetheless, I think it ought to be developed and certain users ought to have privileges to use it once or twice per year. That seems like fair compromise. :flirty:

Finally (and most importantly), I demand that every time I am about to leave dA for the night/morning/afternoon, the site must show me something exceptionally cheerful or adorable so that I leave happy. Something like puppies.
puppies by kaleesue PUPPIES by Bandveteran2008 puppies by xaveME

Or kittens.
Kittens by maddis Kittens by LordRimoah kittens by agnomination

...or dinosaurs.
Dinosaur Demon by nJoo Dinosaur Stamp by Kezzi-Rose Dinosaur at the dentist by anatomista

Or monkeys. Lots of monkeys.
Monkey King by EastMonkey A Sense of Wonder by sarrobi Monkey Lord by SARYTH :thumb88090618: Monkey KIZING Sun WuKong by scrotumnose

What. I like monkeys. :paranoid:

That's all that comes to mind for me, so I kindly request that you drop everything you're currently doing to take care of my problems, staff. My complaints are organized and posted in a news article with images, so I very clearly deserve priority.

Hope you all enjoyed the features! :giggle:
Add a Comment:
CustardAndPie Featured By Owner Feb 9, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You know, if dA delivered me cake every time I logged in, I'd be logging out a LOT more often! XDDDDDD
Sevslover6195 Featured By Owner Feb 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This is awesome!
Emberguard Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013   General Artist
:rofl: That just made my day :D
WritingObsessed Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
hahah this is hilarious. and yes, i totally agree. :D
maxnort Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2012   Writer
I'm really more of a writer, but let's see...


there, cake. (I'm not trying to be mean, nor proud; but sincere. you want a cake, I don't mind making one. Yow want recognition, I don't mind offering it; but I try to write because I know I can't draw)
deviantART muro drawing Comment Drawing
kayleero Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2012  Student General Artist
This is the best feature ever!!!! I wish these were real!
Euxiom Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2012
I do not care if it is not 2012.

I love you for this article. :la: I do not even care if you fling poo at people.
wreckling Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012   Writer
Cheers! :lol:
map-hopping Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2011
Yondercat Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2011
old news but that's okay.

Know what I want? Money, a job, and a car. Never owned a car in my life and I'm 26. My sister and I share one. I've only had one full time job in my whole life and that was back in 2004 I believe? The rest have always been part time jobs. I need a full time job that can help me get enough money to buy a car. After that, I'll go from there.
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